D e s e r t E x p o s u r e
September 2010
Desert Diary
Page: 2
Losing the battle of the sexes Perhaps this pair of tales from the frontlines of the gender wars will help you recuperate from that punning. The first drove up courtesy of Bob in the Garage:
"Tom stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his backswing. Finally his exasperated partner asked, 'What in the world is taking so long?'
"'My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,' Tom explained. 'I want to make a perfect shot.'
"His companion said, 'You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here.'"
And this little yarn came our way via Cranky in Cruces:
"Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one — just had another fight with the little woman.'
"'Oh yeah?' said Charlie. 'And how did this one end?'
"'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'she came to me on her hands and knees.'
"'Really?' said the barkeep. 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'
"Mike answered, 'She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."'"
Our town This tale of small-town life was passed along by GeeRichard. The very easily offended might want to skip ahead:
"A few weeks ago, I stopped for gasoline in a town I'd never been in before. The town was SO small, the hardware store only sold hardware; the grocery store only sold groceries; the filling station only sold gasoline; and the drugstore only sold drugs — or so I thought.
"When I entered the drugstore I discovered it had a working soda fountain; in fact a guy was making a sundae right then. I couldn't resist, so when he turned to me, I ordered a milkshake.
"A few minutes later, I found out the server was the druggist himself, when a gent walked in and handed him a prescription. 'Okay, Frank, ' said the druggist, 'but how about I first make you something while I'm here.'
"'Sure,' came the reply. 'Make me a chocolate sundae.'
"A moment later, the druggist/soda jerk asked over his shoulder, 'Crushed nuts, Frank?'
"'God, no,' Frank replied. 'It's rheumatism.'"
Biblical proportions Finally, with eyes cast heavenward, we share this divine tale from Jess Hossinaround in Arenas Valley:
"A woman arrived at the gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her: 'Hello, how are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you.'
"When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, 'This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?'
"'You have to spell a word,' Saint Peter told her.
"'Which word?' the woman asked.
"'Love.'
"The woman correctly spelled L-O-V-E and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
"About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. 'I'm surprised to see you,' the woman said. 'How have you been?'
"'Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died,' her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water-skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?'
"'You have to spell a word,' the woman told him.
"'Which word?' her husband asked.
"'Czechoslovakia.'"
Send your favorite jokes, anecdotes, puns and tall tales to Desert Diary, PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, fax 534-4134, email diary@desertexposure.com The best submission each month gets a brand-new Desert Exposure mouse pad, scientifically proven to take the strain out of emailing jokes to Desert Diary.
Postcards from the edge Our globe-trotting readers continue to delight us with photos of themselves, near and far, holding "the biggest little paper in the Southwest." First up this month are Lin and Jim Townsend of Tyrone, who write: "We took our copy of Desert Exposure with us on our 11-day cruise out of Belize City on a small ship line, ACCL. Only 40 passengers and 20 crew. We toured lots of islands and cayes." This shows the Townsends at Roatan, Honduras.
Next is a photo of Kyle Meredith and Josh Reeves in Utica, NY: "The day after we arrived it was 82 degrees, then the following Sunday (Mothers Day) it snowed all morning. We ate a lot of great food, and it was green like no place in New Mexico, but we're glad to be home in the desert! We love DE, and it took most of the flight from Atlanta to Syracuse to finish reading it."
Whether you're heading for the high seas or the high desert, take your favorite publication with you and shoot a photo of yourself holding Desert Exposure. Send it to diary@desertexposure.com or PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062.