D e s e r t E x p o s u r e
February 2010
Desert Diary
Page: 2The war between men and women Another volley in the gender wars, this via Kelmac:
"Three men married wives from different states. The first man married a woman from Nebraska. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
"The second man married a woman from Kansas. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
"The third man married a girl from New Mexico. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn't see anything. The second day he didn't see anything. But by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher."
Annals of physical fitness If you find yourself lagging on your New Year's resolutions already, you might consider this idea from Ned Ludd:
"A guy calls a company and orders their five-day, 10-pound weight-loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight-loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'
"Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
"The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 pounds as promised. He calls the company and orders their five-day, 20-pound program.
"The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.
"He's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens, with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight, on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 pounds as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the seven-day, 50-pound program.
"'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.'
"'Absolutely,' he replies. 'I haven't felt this good in years.'
"The next day there's a knock at the door. When he opens it, he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, your ass is mine.'
"He lost 63 pounds that week."
Lying with statistics Short and not so sweet, this one's from Bubba in the Garage:
"According to a study, 98% of Americans say, 'Oh, (expletive)!' before going in the ditch on a slippery road.
"The other 2% are from West Virginia and they say, 'Hold my drink and watch this!'"
Persons of the definitely blonde persuasion You are of course encouraged to substitute "brunette" or "redhead" in this final funny, from Ramblin' Man — just don't skip reading it:
"A blonde and her husband are lying in bed, listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
"The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, 'I've had enough of this!' She goes downstairs.
"The blonde finally comes back up to bed. Her husband says, 'The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?'
"The blonde says, 'I put the dog in OUR backyard. Let's see how THEY like it!'"
Send your favorite jokes, anecdotes, puns and tall tales to Desert Diary, PO
Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, fax 534-4134, email diary@desertexposure.com The best submission each month gets a brand-new Desert Exposure mouse pad, scientifically proven to take the strain out of emailing jokes to Desert Diary.
Postcards from the edge Our first reader photo this month comes from Bob and Barbara Carr, who write: "We know this is not one of your usual exotic locations, but we had a wonderful time at the International Remote Control Helicopter (IRCHA) jamboree in Muncie, Indiana. Bob is an RC heli pilot and this was our first time to attend this event. Over 800 pilots from around the world were in attendance. Thought this might be of interest to you and your readers. There is an RC club here in Silver for any interested parties."
The second photo was sent by Barbara and Ron Gabioud, who write, "We gave Desert Exposure a little tropical exposure in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico." Thanks, Gabiouds — hope you remembered to slather some sunscreen on both the front and back cover!
Whether you're airborne in Muncie or on the beach in Mexico, take "the biggest little paper in the Southwest" along for the ride and shoot a photo of yourself holding Desert Exposure. Send it to diary@desertexposure.com or PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062.