Beans and Cornbread D e s e r t E x p o s u r e
October 2009
Desert Diary
Page: 2
Abort, retry, fail. . . Continuing what seems to be a theme of what we sometimes label "the battle of the sexes" this month, we boot up this bit from Old Grumps:
"A desperate woman writes to the technical-support guy —
"Dear Tech Support,"Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
"In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and GOLF 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
"Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
"Signed, Desperate Woman
"Tech support replies —
"Dear Desperate Woman,"First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
"Please enter command ithoughtyoulovedme and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
"However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
"Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 under any circumstances (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).
"In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
"In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
"You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
"Good luck!"
You're not getting older, you're. . . wait, I forget. . . And, resuming the topic of aging, gracefully or otherwise, there's this tale from CharlesC:
"Two elderly women were out driving in a large car; both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.'
"After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.
"So she turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'
"Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'"
Send your favorite jokes, anecdotes, puns and tall tales to Desert Diary, PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, fax 534-4134, email diary@desertexposure.com The best submission each month gets a brand-new Desert Exposure mouse pad, scientifically proven to take the strain out of emailing jokes to Desert Diary.
Postcards from the edge. . . While we're always delighted at the photos readers send of themselves from near and far, holding a copy of "the biggest little paper in the Southwest," this one particularly caught our eye for its timeliness and thoroughness of Desert Exposure-ization. Cissy McAndrew sent the photo with this caption: "Linda Warnack-Boucher (L), Cissy McAndrew (R) and the Desert Exposure (C) pose with the Solheim Cup during the 2009 International Golf Tournament at Rich Harvest Farms in Sugar Grove, Ill. (Note: Cissy is wearing a Desert Exposure golf shirt.)"
This one, too, grabbed us. You might say that if we can make it there, we can make it anywhere! Thanks to Athene (aka Catherine Schumacher), who writes: "I took my copy of Desert Exposure on our recent trip to the East Coast — including New York City — so that I could bring back this photo. Silver City meets Times Square!"
Whether you're headed to the big match or the Big Apple, take along a copy
of Desert Exposure and
get a photo of yourself with it "on location." Send to Desert Diary, PO Box 191,
Silver City, NM 88062 or email diary@desertexposure.com