D e s e r t E x p o s u r e
August 2009
A Happiness Manifesto
Lessons about happiness from 87 years of being (mostly) happy.
By Doris Wakeland
Editor's note: Last issue's Body, Mind & Spirit section presented an article on "Choosing Happiness" by Joanie Connors, a counseling psychologist and teacher at Western New Mexico University in Silver City. This month we offer another variation on the theme of happiness, also by way of WNMU: This article sprang from a rhetoric and composition class in which students wrote on their own view of happiness, followed by three presentations about happiness by individuals in their 80s. This presentation by Doris Wakeland, age 87, stood out — as you'll see.
To the question, "Am I happy?," let me answer by paraphrasing the philosopher, Rene Descartes: "I think I am happy; therefore, I am happy." But who is this happy "I"?
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Author Doris Wakeland, looking pretty
happy. |
I see myself as a conscious portion of the invisible field of energy and intelligence that individually and collectively creates the world as I experience it. And since I have, by definition, had a lot of experience, I have given the subject much thought.
To better understand this, I need to establish with you my approach to life, which is embedded in the definition of who am I. Since I know that everything I know about the external world is a product of my brain's processing of the electronic impulses that are picked up by my sensory apparatus, it follows that how I use my mind creates all of my reality.
This being the case, I have (if I choose to exercise it) great control over what is my reality. This comes from being "inner directed" rather than being dependent upon external inputs. One of my goals is to live in such a way that my outer world is a projection and reflection of my inner world, that who I appear to be on the outside is who I really am.
I can't control external inputs, but I can choose how I will process them. The problem is that most people do not realize they have this power to produce peace of mind. A person may receive an insult from another and think, "He made me mad." Actually, the person made herself mad by how she chose to react to the insult.
But if you don't realize that you have this capability, you give away your power to choose — and the result can be unhappiness.
This internal dialogue is a good example of what is termed a "monkey mind," where the thoughts just tumble around willy-nilly. It is a learned ability to witness this process and exercise your power to change the subject: "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
Food for Thought
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Since the human mind is in constant motion when awake, it will generate its own content unless you take charge and decide what you want to think about — to take the mind off its automatic pilot. To do this, I start each day reading some passages from various sources of an inspirational nature. This has the effect of setting my mental thermostat at the level of contentment that is attractive to me.
For me to be happy, I must retain the autonomy to decide for myself. If what others say or do makes no sense to me, I reserve the right to reject it. I also happen to be a "neat-freak." But I think of it in esthetic terms: I like my surroundings to be attractive and orderly. If things are messy, I am uncomfortable. This gives me the incentive to pick up and put things back where they belong; then I know where to find them. Some of this is the result of many years of cruiser sailing, where things have to be stowed properly in case the wind picks up suddenly and rocks the boat.
There are those who think that happiness depends upon getting what they expect to make themselves happy. When expectations are not realized, this is judged negatively (causing unhappiness). Then one learns (if one is lucky) that true happiness does not flow from having expectations and making judgments. In fact, one should refrain from doing either.
We are often told that happiness is found when we reach out to others. My way of doing this is to teach friends how to do T'ai Chi and Qi Gong. I have practiced T'ai Chi for over 20 years. Only recently, I became acquainted with Qi Gong, which I find much easier to learn and to do. I now look for opportunities to share this health-giving practice whenever possible. Qi Gong has been used by the Chinese to move their chi (life-force) for many centuries. Now, at age 87, I have no health problems and take no prescription drugs, so I can assume that it has been very helpful to me.
Another "happiness" rule I follow is to recognize and accept that "what is is what is." To resist "what is" only creates frustration (unhappiness). To refrain from resisting is another way of saying, "Surrender to what is." The term "surrender" has a bad reputation in conventional thinking, as something to be avoided at all costs. Yet the Lord's Prayer ends with "Thy will be done."
In the May 11 issue of Time magazine, social scientists have a straightforward, if tongue-in-cheek answer to the question of how to become happy: "Surround yourself with people who are uglier, poorer and shorter than you — and who are unhappily married and have annoying kids. You will compare yourself with these people, and the contrast will cheer you up." This was in the article that named the 100 most influential people. It mentions Nicholas Christakis, a physician and sociologist at Harvard University, who has studied 5,000 people over 20 years. He suggests that happiness, like the flu, is contagious and can spread from person to person. When people who are close to us become happier, we do, too. As the old saying goes, "When Mama's happy, everybody's happy."
I find myself making comparisons when I watch the bad news of floods, tornadoes and wildfires across the nation. It cheers me up to know that I live in New Mexico.
Our physiology also responds positively to happiness. The thymus gland, which supports our immune system, is weakened when we are in a negative state of mind. Many other hormones flood the body depending on one's mood. Being happy makes one healthy. The Law of Attraction says that the emotional state of your energy will attract others of like states. And it takes fewer muscles to form a smile than a frown.
My thoughts here were stimulated by the following five questions:
- What is "happiness"? It is said to be a state of mind that is the driving force behind evolution. I find it in living a meaningful life where I exercise my own unique strengths and virtues for a purpose greater than my own immediate goals. This brings me peace of mind, which is what I need to be happy. There are many elements that go into making happiness. These include love, virtue, truth, beauty, health, knowledge, wisdom, self-esteem and a sense of humor, among others.
- How has my definition changed over the course of my life? The
changes reflect the various stages of my normal development. The changes
are specific to each stage of my life. Since I was faced with different challenges
at different times in my life, I found that what made me happy changed. When
I was a mother of three small children, born within three years, just being
able to sit and stare at the wall in quiet was my idea of happiness. Now,
it doesn't take much more than that to get results, so perhaps I have come
full circle. I have always found that learning something new brings happiness.
The past eight years, I have been learning to play the piano and fulfill
a lifetime ambition to learn to read music.
- What is the difference between happiness and pleasure? Happiness
is a state of mind. Pleasure results from a physical response to a sensory
stimulus. Pleasure is the felt experience of happiness. And, once again,
my pleasure relates to my stage in life. I hope that my tastes matured as
I did. One must also be aware that there are different kinds of pleasures,
not all of which are conducive to overall well-being and happiness. It doesn't
take much imagination to identify the nature of these negative pleasures.
- What is the relationship between happiness and money? It is whatever
relationship I have defined for myself. Ultimately, through experience, one
finds that while money can buy a lot of pleasure, it will not ensure happiness.
I have found it helpful to live within my means. This has enabled me to avoid
going into debt with the exception of a house mortgage. This results in a
lot of "peace of mind."
- What is the relationship between happiness and sadness? It is the relationship of opposites that is revealed in the contrast between them. It is said that we distinguish between things by seeing the opposite. I think one state precludes the other.
So, it appears that it is the simple things in life that bring happiness. It is the intention and attention you bring to your life that makes the difference. Remember Socrates' saying, "An unexamined life is not worth living."
Happiness is an inside job!