D e s e r t E x p o s u r e
July 2009
Desert Diary
Page: 2Annals of medicine, II. . . For a completely different take on modern medicine, here's CharlesC:
"Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that some physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
"Here's what happened to Bubba: He walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
"Fifteen minutes later, a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight and a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
"A half-hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test and an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
"An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
"Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em?'"
Kids say the darnedest things. . . All the way from Arizona, frequent correspondent Robert H returns with these classroom tales:
"Teacher: 'Maria, go to the map and find North America.' Maria: 'Here it is.' Teacher: 'Correct. Now class, who discovered America?' Class: 'Maria!'
"Teacher: 'John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?' John: 'You told me to do it without using tables.'
"Teacher: 'Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?' Donald: 'H I J K L M N O.' Teacher: 'What are you talking about?' Donald: 'Yesterday you said it's H to O.'
"Teacher: 'Glen, why do you always get so dirty?' Glen: 'Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.'
"Teacher: 'Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."' Millie: '"I is. . ."' Teacher: 'No, Millie. Always say, "I am.''' Millie: 'All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.''"
"Teacher: 'George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?' Louie: 'Because George still had the axe in his hand.'
"Teacher: 'Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?' Simon: 'No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.'
"Teacher: 'Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?' Clyde: 'No, sir. It's the same dog.'
"Teacher: 'Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?' Harold: 'A teacher.'"
The joke's on us. . . You won't see this one coming. Thanks to Old Grumps:
"A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.
"Noticing this, a policeman stops her and says, 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag.'
"'Oh, really? Darn!' said the little old lady. 'I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.'
"'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?'
"'Oh, no,' replies the little old lady. 'You see, my back yard is right next to the football-stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, "$20 or off it comes."'
"'Well, that seems only fair,' laughs the cop. 'OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?'
"'Well, you know,' the little old lady says, 'not everybody pays.'"
Smoke signals. . . Finally, Judge Hazard serves up this little morality play:
"An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand, pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: 'Want coffee.'
"The waiter says, 'Sure, coming right up.' He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
"The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, and then just walks out.
"The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter: 'Want coffee.'
"The waiter says, 'Whoa! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?'
"The Indian smiles and proudly says, "I'm training for a position in United States Congress. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for the rest of the day.'"
Send your favorite jokes, anecdotes, puns and tall tales to Desert Diary, PO
Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, fax 534-4134, email diary@desertexposure.com The best submission each month gets a brand-new Desert Exposure mouse pad, scientifically proven to take the strain out of emailing jokes to Desert Diary.
Postcards from the edge. . . We happily continue catching up with photos folks have sent from hither and yon of themselves posing with their favorite publication. (Ahem, and that would be. . .? Good answer!) First comes Carol Kane of Silver City, who writes:
"This photo of my husband, Tim, comes from Millaa Millaa Falls in the Atherton Tablelands of Tropical North Queensland, Australia. Estuarine crocs are common here so we opted against a swim! The Tablelands are a sparsely populated area of great natural beauty, renowned for its dairy farms and coffee and tea plantations. We took a 30-day, self-guided tour of Australia, which included Sydney, Uluru (Ayers Rock), the northern beaches of Cairns, snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef, a drive down the southern coast of New South Wales, and ending with a stop in Canberra, in the Australian Capital Territory. It was a fabulous trip!"
No less exotic, the second shot was taken by MaryKay Brady of Deming resident Jerry Owens: "This picture was taken in Cartagena, Columbia. Jerry had recently sailed through the Panama Canal via Holland America's MS Statendam."
Whether you're headed hither or only yon, take a photo of yourself holding "the biggest little paper in the Southwest" and
send it to PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, email diary@desertexposure.com