D e s e r t E x p o s u r e
June
2009
Thou Art Also an It
Page: 2What happens to you — or rather, Thou — in all the rules and expectations? When you "go on a diet," for example, it prescribes your behavior, and you try to obey. You (the executive) identify with the diet and order your body (It) to consume these foods but not those, in a certain quantity or ratio, only at certain times, etc.
If a diet turns your body into an It, you end up siding with the diet against your body. "I want to eat more," wails your body, to which you respond, "The diet says you can't have more, so stop complaining." ("Grrrrr," your body mutters, as it plots how to get what it wants.)
What if you related to your body as a Thou, instead, and used diet and exercise regimens as points of reference? You would emphasize your own well-being as the guiding force. You would appreciate ways in which you're learning to take better care of yourself. Then you're no longer your body's adversary. You're helping your body become unencumbered by extra weight. You're an ally who listens well and provides wise leadership
Recent statistics show that people who dieted for five years lost an average
of 12 pounds from beginning to end. The researchers looked at the most popular
diet programs and ignored how much had been lost, regained, lost, regained,
etc., during the five years. The idea that one could diet for five years to
lose 12 pounds — well, we already knew diets don't work in the long term
for most people.
After all, a diet doesn't care whose mouth is consuming its prescribed rations. "The diet" is impersonal. If it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work. The crucial factor isn't the diet — it's the way each person relates to herself or himself, including her body. In the world of It-diets, the only winners are the people who sell the plan, the books and the food.
What about relating to oneself after abuse or trauma? In any kind of abuse, the perpetrator is treating the victim as an It. He doesn't care about the victim's feelings, nor does he care that he's inflicting life-long damage. He's doing whatever it is entirely for his own gratification. So the question for the abused person is: Having been treated as an It by the abuser, are you still an It to yourself? Or can you be open to yourself as a Thou and honor the truth of your experience?
When people fire at a soldier, it isn't personal. He or she is an It. So is the enemy, at whom he returns fire. He's left to work through what the fear, noise, violence, wounds, destruction, deaths of his buddies, and killing have done to him as a Thou. Can we include those realities of his experience when we relate to him? Can he include them in his relationship to himself?
It isn't easy to pay attention to ourselves or to others as a Thou. The happy experiences are welcome, but holding steady in the presence of our own or others' pain and sorrow takes courage. We can do it only when we consciously choose to. Otherwise, we tend to focus on the It-aspects of our lives, because they're so much easier to define, they're necessary to our well being, and there are so many of them. Still, our best hope for equilibrium, love and health lies in finding our way back to Thou. We can listen with an open mind, empathize, accept — and then return to our duties.