D e s e r t E x p o s u r e
April
2009
Desert Diary
Page: 2"My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but didn't think she'd get sunburned 'because the car was moving.'"
"My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk."
"I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring that was attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?' I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned."
"I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'has your plane arrived yet?'"
"While working at a pizza parlor, I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into four pieces or six. He thought about it for some time before responding: 'Just cut it into four pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat six pieces.'"
Kids say the darnedest things. . . Thanks to Fred in the Garage for passing this along:
"A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'
"The little boy replied, 'My Dad doesn't wear his collar like that.'
"The priest looked up from his book and answered, 'I am the Father of many.'
"The boy said, 'My Dad has four boys, four girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way.'
"The priest, getting impatient, said, 'I am the Father of hundreds,' and went back to reading his book.
"The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, 'Maybe you should use a condom and wear your pants backwards instead of your collar.'"
Annals of inebriation, round two. . . The lesson to be learned from this story, sent our way by Ned Ludd, is that you should never question a drunk:
"I was shopping at the local supermarket, where I selected: a half-gallon of two-percent milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a two-pound can of coffee and a one-pound package of bacon. As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.
"While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'
"I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, 'Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?'
"The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'"
International incidents. . . Finally, we diplomatically pass along this tale from GeeRichard:
"In a bar near the United Nations, three young diplomats — a Frenchman, an Englishman and an American — are debating meanings of words and phrases in various languages. This day, the phrase 'savoir faire' was the topic.
"One gent poses a situation: What do you do if, when you get home and look for your wife, you discover her in bed with another man?
"The American says, 'I'd be cool. I'd close the bedroom door quietly and leave. That's savoir faire.'
"The Englishman: 'Not quite, old chap. Before I close the door, I'd say, "Carry on." That's savoir faire.'
"The Frenchman says, 'Almost, mon ami, but not quite. Yes, I would close the door, after first saying, "Carry on.'' Then, if HE carries on, HE has savoir faire.'"
True savoir faire means sending your favorite jokes, puns and ponderings to: Desert Diary, PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, fax 534-4134, email diary@desertexposure.com The best submission each month gets a brand-new Desert Exposure mouse pad, scientifically proven to take the strain out of emailing jokes to Desert Diary.
Postcards from the edge. . . What loyal Desert Exposure readers will do to obtain photos of themselves on vacation, holding their favorite publication! Ellen Tyre sent us this trio of pictures with this explanation: "On a recent visit to England, I had to do some 'splainin' to the London Bobby guarding a gate to Buckingham Palace (first photo), as to why I wanted to take a picture of him with a newspaper. I finally convinced him and photo number two was snapped. I also took my Desert Exposure to Stonehenge (photo number three), and passed it on to a fellow traveler from Quebec who took this photo. My favorite paper sure gets around, doesn't it? The Desert Exposure is the only paper I read cover to cover. Thanks for a great publication that I look forward to every month!"
Our second submission comes from Melissa Copeland, who writes: "Friends Esperanza Telles, Melissa Copeland and Pamela Smith took Desert Exposure along on a glass-bottomed boat ride in Mammee Bay, Jamaica, on their vacation getaway from Las Cruces. They then made the ultimate sacrifice of leaving the paper behind in their rental villa, so the next guests can be introduced to our little neck of the woods."
Whether you're traveling to the islands or just to Isleta, snap a photo of yourself holding "the biggest little paper in the Southwest" and send it to Desert Diary, PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, email diary@desertexposure.com