D e s e r t E x p o s u r e
February
2009
Fooling Farm Animals, Refiguring Hotel Bills
and
Taking a Long Lunch
Plus what makes New Mexico friends special and how quickly we forget.
Psychology 101. . . As this yarn from SteveL demonstrates, a positive attitude can go a long way:
"An out-of-towner accidentally drove his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily, a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny. The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper.
"Then he yelled, 'Pull, Nellie, pull!' Benny didn't move.
"Then he yelled, 'Come on, pull Ranger!' Still, Benny didn't move.
"Then he yelled really loud, 'Now pull, Fred, pull hard!' Benny just stood.
"Then the farmer nonchalantly said, 'Okay, Benny, pull.'
"Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.
"The out-of-towner was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
"The farmer said, 'Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try.'"
It's a dog's life. . . Continuing a sort of animal-kingdom theme, we share this, er, cautionary tale courtesy of Old Grumps:
"A guy had just got settled into his window seat on the plane when another man sat in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and the dog was a 'sniffing dog.' He went on, 'His name is Sniffer and he is the best there is. I'll show you when we are airborne; I'll put him to work!'
"The plane took off and when it achieved level flight the agent said, 'Watch this.' He told Sniffer, 'Search!'
"Sniffer jumped down, walked up and down the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully by the side of a woman for a few seconds. Sniffer returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent's arm. The agent said, 'Good boy!' and then said to the man, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I shall take a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.' 'Say, that's pretty neat,' said the first man.
"Once again the agent told Sniffer to search. The dog sniffed about and sat down by another passenger for awhile, returned to his seat and put two paws on the agent's arm. The agent said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again I shall take his seat number and he will be apprehended when we land.' 'I like it,' said his seat mate.
"The agent again sent Sniffer to search. Sniffer walked around the aisle a few times, sat down for a while and then came bounding back to the agent, jumped into his seat and proceeded to poop everywhere.
"The agent's seat-mate was really grossed out over the dog's behavior and could not figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave in this way, so he asked the agent, 'What the heck is he doing? What's going on?'
"The agent nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'"
Got your own animal tale? Send it — or your favorite joke, heartwarming anecdote or other diary fodder — to
Desert Diary, PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, fax 534-4134, or email diary@desertexposure.com You
might be rewarded with one of our new Desert Exposure mouse pads! (No, not
the rodent kind — we carry this animal theme only so far.)
"Friends: Never ask for food. New Mexican friends: Are the reason you have food.
"Friends: Will say 'hello.' New Mexican friends: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.
"Friends: Call your parents 'Mr.' and 'Mrs.' New Mexican friends: Call your parents 'mom' and 'dad.'
"Friends: Have never seen you cry. New Mexican friends: Cry with you.
"Friends: Will eat at your dinner table and leave. New Mexican friends: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being together — and then take a plate to go.
"Friends: Borrow your stuff for a few days, then give it back. New Mexican friends: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours.
"Friends: Know a few things about you. New Mexican friends: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.
"Friends: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing. New Mexican Friends: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you.
"Friends: Would knock on your door. New Mexican friends: Walk right in and say, 'Hey, I'm here!'
"Friends: Are for a while. New Mexican friends: Are for life.
Annals of commerce. . . We're with Fred in the Garage on this one:
"A new supermarket near my house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.
"I don't buy toilet paper there any more."
"A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost 24 hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they plan to sleep for only four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.
"The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk that although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.
"The manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. 'But we didn't use them,' the man complains. 'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the manager.
"He goes on to explain they could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the manager says. 'But we didn't go to any of those shows,' complains the man again. 'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the manager replies.
"No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, 'But we didn't use it!' The manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager. The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. 'But sir,' he says, 'this check is made out for only $50.'
"'That's correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife.'
"'But I didn't!' exclaims the manager.
"'Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could have.'"