D e s e r t E x p o s u r e
October
2008
Desert Diary
Page: 2
Kids say the darnedest things, II . . . We couldn't resist this quick revisit of our opening category, sent along by Old Grumps:
"A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"'Mama, look what I found!' the boy called out.
"'What have you got there, dear?' his mother responded.
"With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'"
Pondering the imponderables. . . On a more serious note, this life lesson from Two Beeps will forever change the way you look at hot chocolate:
"A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests refreshments, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups — porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite — telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.
"When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: 'Notice that all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup. But you consciously went for the best cups, and then you began eyeing each other's cups.
"'Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God has provided us. God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the cups.
"'The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have.'"
You're only as old as you feel. . . While we're on the subject of God, He also makes an appearance in this tale from Toni in the Vet's Office:
"A 54-year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. Seeing God, she asked, 'Is my time up?'
"God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.'
"Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
"After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had another 43 years-plus? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?'
"God replied, 'I didn't recognize you.'"
Losing the battle of the sexes, II . . . Finally, we return to the front lines of the gender wars with this surprising little fable from Jess Hossinaround in Arenas Valley. Fellas, please pay attention:
"A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
"The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and — poof! — two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
"The husband thought for a moment, then said, 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry, my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'
"The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and — poof! — the husband became 92 years old.
"The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female."
Send your favorite jokes, puns and ponderings to: Desert Diary, PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, fax 534-4134, email diary@desertexposure.com Remember, the best submission each month gets a highly collectible Desert Exposure coffee mug — while
they last!
Postcards from the edge. . . We depart temporarily from our ongoing presentation of photos sent in by readers holding their favorite publication (ahem, that would be Desert Exposure) to share two special snapshots from the recent Maui Writers Retreat and Conference, which this year was held in Honolulu. (It's a long story.)
The first, above, shows Desert Exposure editor and retreat director David Fryxell taking a brief break — honest, it was work, work, work! — on Waikiki Beach, with Diamondhead in the background.
The second, below, shows authors Thomas Cook (left) and William Martin with "the biggest little paper in the Southwest." Presumably they like to relax with the latest Desert Exposure in-between crafting such bestselling novels as Master of the Delta (Cook) and The Lost Constitution (Martin).
Bestselling author or beach bum, take us with you on your next trip and send home a snapshot of yourself holding Desert Exposure. Send to Desert Diary, PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, or by email to diary@desertexposure.com
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