D e s e r t E x p o s u r e
June 2008
True Love in Our Times, Hymns from Memory and
Haircuts for Congress
Plus putting bureaucrats in their place, silly signs and heavenly golf.
Not exactly Romeo and Juliet. . . This letter from LeeB made our day. It was inspired, she says, by the story in our April issue about an elderly couple sharing a fast-food meal. In that yarn, the wife waits patiently while her husband eats. Finally, a young man who's been watching can stand it no more and asks the little old lady, "What is it you are waiting for?" She answers, "THE TEETH!" Evidently that tale struck a chord in LeeB:
"I have a true story to relate. This really happened: Back in the early 1990s, I worked as a waitress in a family restaurant in West Hartford, Conn. Every morning, an elderly gentleman and his wife would come in and order one breakfast, an extra plate and two coffees. They divided the breakfast on the two plates and each had their own coffee.
"One morning, 'Mrs. Doe' came in by herself. I asked, 'So, where is the Mr. this morning?'
"She said, 'Oh, he died.'
"'I'm so sorry,' I responded.
"'Well,' she said, 'anyway, now I'll get the whole breakfast.'"
Your own stories of love in the real world are of course invited, along with your favorite jokes, funny stories and cosmic ponderings, at Desert Diary, PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, fax 534-4134 or email diary@desertexposure.com.
Pillow talk. . . Next time you can't sleep, try repeating this yarn from GeeRichard:
"Fellow comes to work one morning looking really bad. I say, 'You look like you have the mother of all hangovers.'
"'No,' he answers, 'not a hangover.'
"I ask, 'So, you're sick, what do you have?'
"'Not sick,' he says, 'I didn't sleep all night.'
"I ask, 'Helluva insomnia, eh?'
"He: 'Not insomnia.'
"Me: 'So, what kept you awake?'
"He: 'The shade was up.'
"Me: 'I can't believe it. Why didn't you pull it down?'
"He: 'Couldn't. It was across the street.'"
The joke's on us. . . We admit that we haven't consulted Ramblin' Outdoors columnist Larry Lightner about the accuracy of this hunting story mailed in by RobertH, but we think it's a hoot all the same:
"Two rich hunters with more money than brains hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only three moose. The two rich dummies objected strongly, stating, 'Last year we shot six moose and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours!'
"Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six moose were loaded. Unfortunately, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few minutes after takeoff.
"Climbing out of the wreck, the first rich idiot asked the second, 'Any idea where we are?'
"The second hunter replied, 'I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year.'"
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Postcards from the edge. . . This month's reader photo comes with this caption: "Rod Rees, Marta Green, friend Gail from California and Alex Ricciardelli carried a recent issue of the Desert Exposure halfway around the world to India. They spent three weeks on the Arabian Sea coast in the small town of Varkala. From their haven at the wonderfully funky Sea Splendour Inn they enjoyed excursions to outlying areas in the state of Kerala, charmed by the friendly people and the riot of colors, sounds, tastes and smells." Going places? Take us with you on your next trip and send home a snapshot of yourself holding "the biggest little paper in the Southwest." Send to Desert Diary, PO Box 191, Silver City, NM 88062, or by email to diary@desertexposure.com (And for those of you eagerly awaiting seeing your photo in print, thanks in advance and don't worry, we'll get to it!) |
Political animals. . . Those of you who are already sick of politics — in other words, pretty much everybody — will enjoy this modern morality tale passed along by Ned Ludd:
"One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asks about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning, a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses are waiting for him at his door.
"Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses are waiting for him at his door.
"Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber opens his shop, he finds a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as How to Improve Your Business and Becoming More Successful.
"Then, a congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The congressman is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
"And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress."
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