The Secrets of Romance
By Joanie Connors
Here in February, the month of love, single people often wonder whether they should start looking for a romantic companion. This could be the result of some primitive urge to find someone to help you stay warm, or it might be caused by the prospect of spending another Valentine's Day alone. Whatever the cause, it's important to be careful when making the choice to start a romantic relationship with someone.
Romance is often tricky, and when it goes wrong, it can be a major nightmare.
How to manage a love relationship is something you can study in many
books, for a lifetime, and still not get it right. But, in the early
stages, there are some general guidelines that can help you make better
choices before you become seriously entangled and are stuck with the
The First Secret of Romance
What most people don't know about romance is that Mother Nature has built a great deal of manipulation into the romantic attraction process. People who are sexually attracted to each other are flooded with powerful hormones — endorphins more powerful than heroin, and adrenaline, which allows you to feel energized and giddy and need less sleep.
These hormones tend to have the effect of making you idealize your intended mate. You see them as wonderful, are fascinated with their annoying habits, and discount their flaws. Most people take six months to two years to see through this drug-like romantic fog, which is otherwise known as the honeymoon period.
Try these 10 tricks for seeing through the fog of romance:
Look for your love interest to be someone who is at the same levels in these areas as you are, or close, but not extremely worse or better. That way you'll be on equal ground (more or less). Studies have shown that people can become healthier by living with someone healthy—or sicker by living with someone with serious problems.
Watch out for victims who want you to rescue them from difficulties.
You cannot fix anyone else's hurts no matter how hard you work, because
they are the ones who have to fix themselves. You can give them your
life energy in a way that is guaranteed to sap you and seldom really
helps them. Help them to find a good therapist or AA group.
The Second Secret of Romance
The second secret is that romance is not love. Romance entices you to make a commitment so you can do the real work of living together and supporting each other. Romance adds fun, intrigue, energy and pleasure to the work of love, but it is not love. Love doesn't measure people to see if they meet your needs or clean their toilets.
It is much more important to have love in your life than romance. And love is something you get when you act with care and concern for how you affect others. Regardless of whether someone is the love of your life, or is a stranger whom you pass by, you should treat them all with respect and kindness. This works because it doesn't create anger out there towards you as opposed to when you are constantly measuring and dismissing people. Being good to others also helps by making good impressions on others watching from the sidelines.
You do need to be choosy about whom you let into your heart and mind in order to take care of yourself. But that doesn't mean you should ignore everyone who doesn't make the cut. Life can be much more enjoyable if you can appreciate all the folks around you, especially the quirky ones.